NEVER LET IT BE SAID YOU DON’T HAVE A CLUE…
Hello fellow members!
Ever since we (so successfully!) determined what The Book Club Book isn’t, there’s been mounting anxiety over the possibility that THERE ARE NO BOOKS LEFT THAT IT MIGHT BE. Oh no!!
There is one author, one book, left unturned.
And four clues—in the form of tiny excerpts—of what that unturned book is.
Here is the first:
“…the stupid Florida always sun;…”
(And good glory, if you happen to figure out what it is, please keep it to yourself.
It’s supposed to be a secret, remember?)
Yours in cluelessness,
“…Marie gets into a good-waitress groove…”
STILL NEED MORE? Okay, how’s this…
“…an old girlfriend…asked him what it was like to be famous.
Like old newspapers blowing down Bleeker Street, he said.”
“…I killed him myself last Thursday night. He forgot to say his rosary so I stabbed him in the heart with my Smith Corona.”
If you haven’t worked it out, bate your breath and prepare for the unveiling
at the breakfast meeting tomorrow (and directly after the meeting at www.readingaswriters.ca)
WHO IT WASN’T
(the contest where you only had to be wrong to be right)
CONTEST NOW CLOSED.
All entries will be entered into a draw on October 10th.
Our first response has already been received from (always ahead of every game) Ruth Walker, who guessed that our book club author was NOT Leonard Cohen. (Yay!! confetti, applause!!) While thrilled to be wrong, Ruth is disappointed that we (she) will not be chatting with the man in a famous blue raincoat over a nicely browned breakfast sausage on a snowy morning in December.
“Un autre temps, peut-etre…” she muttered from under a heavy layer of confetti.
A second entry comes from Anonymous, who guessed Conrad Black.
Thank you, Anonymous. You are also correct. Or incorrect. Mr. Black is NOT our first book club author. (But I’m afraid we’ll have to withhold the applause as that one’s a bit obvious isn’t it…. please try to remember the authors must be CANADIAN.)
Jan Wristen submits that our author is NOT Robert Munsch. Well done. (However the only reason he’s not is that we couldn’t find a table big enough to hold all his books.)
Vicki Pinkerton (helllooooo out there, Vicki!!) has correctly guessed that it is NOT Anne Cameron and I for one would like to know why it isn’t. (maybe you can bring her back with you)
Kevin Craig has offered up the possibility that it is NOT Natalie Goldberg, which makes me wonder if Kevin was listening at the meeting when I said that the first author was, in fact, a MAN, or was Kevin just pretending to listen when in fact visions of Kenya were dancing in his head?? (Notice I didn’t have a go at Vicki because she’s travelling and perhaps was on a bumpy road when she read the instructions and missed the man part. So to speak.)
Whoa. Heather O’Connor, you daredevil…! Heather’s guess was Guy Gavriel Kay. Taking quite a chance there. But it’s okay. He’s NOT the one. Bravo!
Tina Collett has entered Tina Collett as the most likely author it ISN’T. And of course she’s right. (But it was close. It was between her and the guy we eventually got.)
Cynthia Englert votes that we are NOT featuring Michael Ignatieff. Absolutely right. (Sorry, I mean, correct.)
Rich Helms is pretty confident it’s not Dan Brown. Well, Rich, let me tell you, it almost was Dan Brown. That honorarium tempted him something awful. He even begged a little when he heard breakfast was included. Sad. But I had to be firm. Danny boy, I said, you’re a Yankee and this book club’s for Canucks; see ya in the funny papers.
Karen Cole has selected Nino Ricci. Well done, Karen…it’s NOT Nino Ricci. But you’re getting warm. (And I can’t say why.)
A message to Ingrid Ruthig: “For a name unknown/ Whose fame unblown/ Sleeps in the hills/ For ever and aye…” (In other words, you’re absolutely right, it ain’t me, babe, but thanks for the resurrection; xox, Bliss)
Yay!! Roxanna Bennett’s got game! Rawi Hage will NOT be here in December. (Not unless he shows up as a guest, or a paying member. And rsvp’s before the 10th.)
Her Excellency, Myrna Marceline, aka Contest Queen, guessed Michael Ondaatje. An elegant answer. Exquisitely wrong.
Kenza Warbuton has brilliantly deduced that we will not be hosting Pierre Berton (this, despite the well known fact that he was a master at recycling himself…)
Two more entries for Robert Munsch—this time from Heather Whaley, and Raissa Chernushenko (who, by the way, I think has the best name of all our members). As for Munsch…I’m starting to think we should have tried harder to find a bigger book table…
Corinne Yurko-Baron wonders if it could possibly NOT be Ken Follett. Yeah, I think you’re safe there, Corinne, given that the criteria is a CANADIAN author, which I think I’ve mentioned once or twice. Britain has actually been a separate colony for some time now, or we have. Either way, isn’t Pillars of the Earth FABULOUS?? And wouldn’t it be great if Ken Follett WAS our author??!
Mona Blaker’s entry for who our author is NOT, is Chuck Norris. Hmmm. Can Chuck Norris even spell N-O-T??
Barb Belliveau’s guess is Dean Koontz. Good choice insofar as who it ISN’T. But also not Canadian. (Does anyone know any Canadian authors who it might not be???)
Sue Reynolds has submitted Robertson Davies. Now that’s the idea. Sure, he’s dead, but at least he’s CANADIAN. Are we getting how this works??
James Dewar. Also with the program, James has submitted another (albeit no longer with us) CANADIAN author. Thank you, James. Timothy Findley will definitely NOT be our December guest.
And on the theme of authors that are off their twig, kicked the bucket, have joined the bleedin’ choir invisible… and have ceased to be (in the words of Monty Python), Collette Yvonne gives us Stephen Leacock. (Does anyone know any living Canadian authors??)
Speaking of Stephens…a few people (whose names I won’t mention) have guessed our IS NOT author might be Stephen Harper. They have been disqualified.
Frank Young has been forced to go all the way back to Victorian England for his choice—Charles Dickens—given that all the recently deceased Canadian scribes have been covered. Excuse the choice of words. Well, Frank, logic has paid off. You’re right. Mr. D. will not be making this gig. (Homer anyone??)
Hey, Sherry Loeffler! Wouldn’t it be great if your entry (Ted Barris) was actually right (or, in this case, wrong) and he was the author coming in December?? You would no longer be in the running for a prize, but who cares, bells would go off, and sirens too, and a spontaneous parade would erupt around your house!!! (I don’t hear any of that stuff though, do you? That’s because it’s NOT Ted.) Well done!
Ruth Walker has sent us Farley Mowat. Not actually the whole man, just the name. Which is plenty, thank you. (Ruth has also sent us Steven Heighton, again not the whole package, though she tried.) Alas, neither Mr. M., nor Mr. H. will be standing next to her in the buffet line. (But take heart, in this contest, that’s good news!)
Kathleen Martin has guessed that Alistair MacLeod will not be attending our December meeting. Bonnie Beldan-Thomson has guessed exactly the same thing. (Am I the only one who finds it a bit strange that BOTH Kathleen and Bonnie are so sure Alistair MacLeod will NOT be available in December… If Kathleen and Bonnie are also NOT at that meeting, I’m starting a rumour.)
Karen Cole has offered up two more names: Michael Redhill because (she hopes) he lives in France, and Kevin Craig because (she knows) he’ll be in Kenya. (What, you couldn’t think of anyone from the last century??).
The Writing Fairy, aka Dorothea Helms, entered Bulwer J. Lytton as her choice, then, suddenly and mysteriously and madder than a wet hen glistening in the light of an amorous harvest moon, she withdrew the name, stating with clichéd agitation, a delicate stamp of a perfectly pedicured size six, and wings bent horribly out of shape, “It’ll be a dark and stormy night before we have him as a presenter!”
Erin Thomas has submitted the names Erin Walters and Ken Oppel. This leads me to wonder a couple of things:
1) who is Erin Walters? When I google the name I get a makeup artist named Bruce.
2) and what about Ken Oppel? Does she mean ERIN Oppel?? Or ERIC Oppel?
(Either way, Erin—if in fact that is your real name—none of these is even close.)
“Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.” (Mark Twain) Suggested by Kenza Wharbarton. Thanks Kenza. Fabulous right/wrong choice! (Just realized I’ve been spelling your name wrong; sorry…)
Heather Whaley and Thelma Davidson have both guessed Margaret Atwood, forcing me to return to the Alistair MacLeod theory—if all three of you are not at the December meeting, there will be talk.
Mary Wilton has entered one of our favourite past guests, Linwood Barclay. (Whatever happened to Linwood? Anyone heard? Is he still writing??)
Barbara Ponomareff has elevated things by suggesting Ronald Wright, a man possibly too busy penning clever words about important things to rub elbows with the likes of us. (We’ll never know, we didn’t ask him. But if we do, we hope he’ll say yes. For now, he’s a no. So congrats, Barbara!)
Victoria Plaskett has submitted Craig Kielburger. Now wouldn’t that be an interesting time? But no, we’re going to have a different kind of interesting time, Victoria. Very different. Thanks though.
Karen Cole (nice to hear from you again, Karen; where have you been all day?) has entered David Adams Richards. Can’t say I’m happy to say (not say?) it ISN’T him, but I’m thrilled to say Karen’s right. Again.
Brian Curry has guessed Alexander McCall Smith. Aww, isn’t that just precious?
Thanks to Ellen Curry for suggesting Wilbur Smith, who is neither a Canadian nor even a real person (based on what I read once about how he only ever writes one draft of his books and they just happen to come out perfect). So I guess he won’t be here, eh?
Kim Clark has offered up Paulo Coelho. Now there’s an interesting bird. Writes a book a year or something. Also possibly not real.
Barbara Hunt has submitted Robert Wiersema. Well, well, well. Fancy that choice. Barbara, do you mean who IS going to be our author? Because if you’re entering Robert Wiersema as who IS going to be our author, you’re absolutely, one hundred percent wrong. But you’re one hundred percent right about who it ISN’T.
Ingrid Ruthig, never eunoia-ing, has suggesting Christian Bok; and just for the heck of it, MJ Vassanjii.
Shirley Neal has correctly deduced that Maeve Binchy, who has written four books since retiring a few years ago and who is also probably a figment of her own imagination, will therefore not be coming to our wee part of the world any time soon.
Deborah Elsmore has not been reading the other guesses. (I’m only guessing, however, based on her guess being Robert Munsch. Gee, Deborah, I guess you’re only the 19th person to guess that. And guess what? You’re wrong. Congratulations.
I would like to shake Heather Tucker’s hand for suggesting Markoosie Patsauk, an Inuit writer and one that I’m going to look into as soon as I finish writing responses to who it isn’t (it isn’t Markoosie, by the way). Always wonderful to discover a new name!
Sherry Hinman has—just under the wire too I might add—submitted three more names:
Paul Quarrington, Stuart McLean and George Elliott Clarke. And because this is the last entry and my brain is fried from thinking about living and dead authors who have nothing to do with our book club, I’m simply reporting it and have zippity doo dah to add. Neither of them are coming, by the way. (Oh, and Sherry also wanted to know WHY Stephen Harper cannot be our author?) Answer: do you really want to be asked to wait outside during question period—at our own breakfast??
Th-Th-That’s all f-f-folks…!
It’s been a slice.
See you (and Dan Brown) in the funny papers.